On a big day like today, Rowan's first day at school, I always feel that the blog entry should be a little more special than all the others. I guess it is because we make such a huge deal of these milestone events in our lives. Yes, our little boy is going to school. Yes, he is stepping out into this world all on his own. And that is big! The anticipation of it all is even bigger, but when it's all said and done, it was a pretty ordinary day where Rowan got to try out something new and his parents had to learn to put trust in others and have faith that he will be all right.

So this morning, after a healthy breakfast, Rowan enthusiastically said: "Car!" which indicated to us that he was ready to go to school. Backpack on his back. Ready to go! But first the obligatory first day of school photo.

Richard offered to take Rowan to school for the first few days, since he would be able to remain calmer than I would. I gladly accepted the offer. I really did not want to witness my little guy have a breakdown and not be able to help him out. So off they went.\

As soon as Richard got back to work I called him to get a report on how things went. Much to my surprise, Rowan got out of the car without any fuss and walked to his class room with his teacher. He did seem a little confused at first but went along with it anyway. So when I heard this news, I was ecstatic.

Feeling more relaxed about the whole situation I set out to do some housework with music blasting (so that I wouldn't feel too lonely.) Rowan's playroom was the first thing on my list. Before I knew it two hours had passed and I had just enough time to drink a cup of tee before I had to go fetch Rowan. I thought that Rowan would probably enjoy coming home to a nice clean room where his favourite new toy was ready and waiting. And not only can you see the bed again, it also received a new quilt. Won't that be great for a little cat nap?

I was very excited about seeing Rowan again. I was nervous about how he might react, but mostly hopeful that it all went all right. I was expecting a smiling face running toward me. Unfortunately this day turned out to be very challenging for him. As his teacher opened the door the first thing I noticed was his drooped posture and when I gazed into his eyes, my heart sank. He was sobbing. Not even the site of his Mom brought a smile to his face. He was not happy at all. I picked him up and told him that everything would be okay.

So now I wonder: "Is it really worth it? Does he need to go to school just yet?" But then I think about our little walk this evening, where Rowan walked out in front of us creating an ever bigger gap between us and him, and I know that he is ready for the next step. We just have to find a way to make it a little easier for him.

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